Firsts Are Always Messy Bonus Chapter 3

Holy fuck.

My hand wraps around the foil packet in her back pocket, I hear it crinkle as I slowly slide it out of her jeans.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

How did she get one of these? Why does she have one? Is she planning on having sex with someone?

“What’s this?” I ask as I hold the condom between us. I can feel my heart dropping in my chest. Did she come here to have sex with Matt? Even though he’s dating someone else?

Her face flushes with embarrassment, her eyes burning as they roam my face. She’s looking at me like she wants to…

Holy shit.

She brought this over here…for me? And her? To use? Together.

The low cut top. Her hair in sexy waves down her back. Sweet-smelling perfume.

Oh, no. What the fuck have I done?

She grinds her hips against me, the pressure from her flat stomach easing the ache in my pants. I instantly harden more, if that’s at all possible.

Huh.

With her, I guess it is.

“That’s a condom,” she smiles up at me. Her boldness is a major turn on. She’s never been this bold with me before.

I can’t hold in the deep laugh that vibrates from the back of my throat. “I know what it is. I want to know why it’s in your back pocket.”

Say it, Jenny. Tell me you want me.

Her teeth sink into her lower lip as she seductively runs her fingers over my bare back. I feel myself tense from the lazy path of her fingers, her chest as it brushes mine, the feel of her entire body right in front of me.

“I think you can put two and two together,” she coos.

“You came over here to fuck?” I think I knew that. I think I knew the moment I opened the door and watched her eyes scan my chest, my stomach, my sweatpants. But I didn’t want to hope. I know what hope does to me. Makes me think things I have no business thinking. 

This is a dream. I have to be dreaming. There’s no way she’d let me…she wants me to fuck her?

She’s gotta be using me. She’s using me to get over that fuckface I call a brother. That’s the only reason she’d knock on my door.

I want to, though. I want to see her naked, make her feel good, spend the night with her. I want to taste her, feel her, take pleasure from her.

I think it would be too hard for me, though. Too hard to walk away after that.

She’d want me to walk away, right?

“I’m not going to have sex with you,” I tell her, watch as the fire in her icy blue eyes blazes.

“Why not?”

I kiss her lips lightly, wonder if I’ll ever get to feel her mouth against mine again. “I don’t want to be the guy you use to get over my brother.”

“But I want to,” she argues, her bottom lip sticks out slightly. She’s pouting. Great. “I want to feel good. And you, you make me feel good.”

Shit. I feel my cock twitch against my boxers at her words.

I need to get away from her right now. Before I rip off that sexy as hell top and take her on the counter. Although, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t imagined doing that to her before.

She doesn’t let me go as I try to pull away from her. Her face flashes briefly with hurt before it morphs into something…needier, desperate.

“Matt and I weren’t in a relationship.” She’s begging me. In her own way, she’s begging right now. “We didn’t date and we didn’t sleep together. It hurt that he didn’t want me, but there’s nothing to get over. We were nothing. Are nothing.”

I don’t know how to say ‘no’ to her when she’s looking at me like that. Like I’m the answer to all of her problems.

I lift a hand, rub my thumb over her cheek. She melts against my skin, closes her eyes. She has no idea what she’s doing to me. What this will mean for me. I can’t…if I have her once, I’ll want her again.

What if she doesn’t want me again?

She’s a virgin. I’m pretty sure she is. She doesn’t want me to take that from her. She should save it for someone else. Someone she loves. “You can’t take it back, Jenny. And you’re still underage.” Not technically, but I’m hoping that words will deter her.

“Age of consent in Colorado is 17. I want it to be you,” she hums as she runs her hands up my back, her skin feels hot against mine. “Are you afraid I’ll get too attached? Obsess over you? Stalk you? Make your life a living hell by falling in love with you?”

“No,” I shake my head. That’s the least of my worries. “Jenny, I’m afraid I’ll be the one who gets too attached.”

Her face isn’t hard to read. She’s staring at me like she knows how I really feel about her. Like it doesn’t bother her that I’m rock hard at the thought of kissing her one more time.

She doesn’t say anything. She slips her hand behind my neck, yanks me down to her level. “I think I can live with that.” I don’t have much time to process what she’s saying as she slams her lips against mine, inexperienced, but slowly getting the hang of it.

I don’t know what to do. She’s clinging to me like she needs me. Fuck. This was never supposed to happen.

I kiss her back, run my tongue over her lips, over her tongue, suck her bottom lip into my mouth, tasting how sweet she is. She’s intoxicating. I need more.

Screw it.

I run my hand over her hair before pulling back and grabbing the condom off the kitchen counter. I watch her entire body ignite from the action. My fingers find hers and I lead her upstairs, to my bedroom, to the room I’ve never really let anyone else in. Not even Hannah. She tried, though. I preferred to fuck her at her house. Or in my car, parked somewhere we might have gotten caught.

I was careless with her.

I don’t want to be with Jenny, though. I want her to feel safe, protected.

We stop outside my door. My heart races when I realize I need her close. Shit, I already need her and I haven’t even seen her naked yet. I should tell her that I love her, that I’ve always loved her from the moment I first saw her. That might scare her. That might make her run.

Instead, I kiss her one more time, steal some of her boldness before I tell her, “I’ve never…”

“Never what?” she asks as she lifts a hand, caresses my face. This is too intimate. Too intimate for us.

“Never had sex in here before,” I finish.

She holds back a laugh. “Are you saying I’m your first?”

God, she’s so sexy when teases me. “First girl to be fucked in my childhood bed.” Most likely the last.

She lightly kisses my mouth before saying, “We probably should talk first, though.”

Talking? No one said anything about talking!

“What about?” I turn the doorknob, let her in first.

She turns on the light and I watch as she walks around my room. She looks at the black and white images I took, the sparse furniture and, finally, my bed. I shut the door, lock it, before walking over to her. I want to touch her again–need to touch her again. My hands slowly slip around her waist. She surprises me by backing up into me, rubbing herself against the bulge in my sweatpants.

“What do we need to talk about?” I whisper in her ear.

She turns to face me, her body flush against mine. Her eyes daring, expressing, hypnotizing. “Matt can’t know about this.”

No, he can never know. Period.

“What if this isn’t a one time thing?” Please, please tell me you’ll want more.

“I don’t know,” she shrugs in my arms, her blue eyes peeking up at me through a curtain of black lashes. Fuck, she’s pretty. “I hadn’t gotten that far.”

Of course she hadn’t. She probably thought I wouldn’t have sex with her.

I run a hand through her hair again, watch as she reacts to my touch. Her whole body shifts closer. She trusts me. “Let’s just cross that bridge when we get to it.”

She agrees and takes a step back. I watch with hooded eyes as she grips the bottom of her top, starts to take it off. I step forward, reach out a hand to stop her. “I get to take that off.” The electricity that jolts through her body excites me. She drops the black fabric, moves closer to me, lets me undress her. Once it’s off her, I take her in. Her stomach is tight, tan, toned. My gaze travels up to her chest. She’s in some hot pink sports bra that’s doing very little to hide her tits. I run my fingers across the tips of her breasts, slip my fingers underneath. Her body erupts in goosebumps as she grabs my hand.

Confused, I meet her eyes. “No, it’s my turn.”

I raise an eyebrow at her, let my hand fall. She licks her lips as she reaches for my sweatpants.

It doesn’t take long before our clothes are in a pile, forgotten on my bedroom floor as we crawl into bed.

She’s nervous, so I wrap my arms around her, feel her mostly naked body next to mine. It feels better than I thought it would. Her fingers run across my stomach and I try not to show much it affects me, how much she affects me.

I finish telling her about my first time with Hannah, about how that blew up in my face. Lesson learned. Never date someone you don’t really love. Not when the girl you really do love is next door.

“Better?” I ask her.

She nods her head, her breathing calmer, her skin brighter, warmer than before.

“I think I’m ready now,” she gazes up at me.

I take off my boxers and hesitantly grab her hand. She doesn’t say anything as I pull it over to my cock. She wraps her fingers around it and I watch as she inhales sharply. I bet she’s soaking wet by the look on her face. I get harder as she pumps me slowly, exploring, getting used to the feel of me.

I don’t know how much longer I can last. I want to take things slow, but I also have this primal need to be inside her, to feel her, to ruin her.

I can’t wait any longer.

I throw the sheets off of us, pull her bra off, look down at her.

What am I saying?

She’s the one who’s going to ruin me.