Firsts Are Always Messy Bonus Chapter 4

I don’t remember much about Hannah and I’s first time except she said it hurt and cried afterwards. I didn’t really know how to put on a condom. I was just hoping for the best. I think I came the second I pushed into her. Wasn’t all that enjoyable for her. Can’t really say it was for me either.

I don’t really want that to be Jenny’s experience.

I want Jenny’s first time to be…well, mind-blowing.

Foreplay.

Lots of foreplay.

I’m staring down at her body, her hair splayed like a golden halo on my pillow above her head. Her lips are cherry red, her eyes blue like the ocean, her nipples pink, hard.

I bow down, slide my tongue across one, suck it into mouth, nip at it. I hear a quiet moan leave her mouth. I lick it again, move over to the other, feel her hips buck into mine the moment my lips caress it.

She tastes sweet. Like honey. And she’s soft. So fucking soft as my hands roam over her stomach, teasing the skin above her thong, taking my time on her nipple. I don’t remember any other girl being so…soft.

I take my time, kiss between her breasts, down her stomach, each hip bone, her lower abdomen. She’s writhing beneath me, panting, and soaked. I don’t even need to feel; I know she is. I can see it in her eyes as she looks at me. She needs release.

And I’m going to give it to her.

Maybe a little too excitedly, my thumbs hook under the string of her thong underwear, slide it down her toned, thin thighs. I spread her legs, see her glistening. Yep, she’s soaked. She smells earthy, womanly, like Jenny.

I lay on my stomach, push her thighs further apart to get better access. Her fingers grip my hair instinctively. I want to taste her–need to taste her.

My tongue languidly circles her clit. She moans, starts to close her thighs. I grip them harder, push them flat against the mattress. Fuck, she’s flexible. I lick a path along her core, watch her shiver from the contact, her eyes never leaving me. I do it again, watch the same reaction. Then, I suck her clit into my mouth, run my tongue over it, hear her moan, “Oh, my god,” as she comes undone much faster than I anticipated.

Holy fuck.

That was fast.

I lift myself up, prop myself up on my arms as I lean down, kiss her lips. Her face is flushed pink, her eyes heavy, her body warm and feverish. I don’t know how much longer I can last. She’s too much for me. Too much of everything I’ve ever wanted. Only better. The real Jenny is better than any fantasy, any dream, any figment of my imagination. I know I should stop this, should tell her I can’t do this, let her go. I wasn’t kidding when I told her I’d get too attached. One taste of her and I’m almost jizzing all over my sheets like a fucking preteen.

Condom.

Get a condom.

I grab one from my side table, rip off the wrapper, slide it on. I lower myself closer to her, needing her warmth. She’s a furnace, hot, blazing, intoxicating. Always has been. But now that I get to steal this part of her, I don’t know if I can walk away.

She smiles up at me and I almost shatter. The fact that she’s looking at me like that, it makes everything ache. I’ve waited for so long…

My hand gently finds her cheek. “It’s gonna be tight. Might hurt…uh…a little. Do you…are you…” sure? Are you sure, Jenny? That you want it to be me?

“Kyle,” she calls to me. “I’ll be fine.”

I know she will be. It’s me that won’t be.

I laugh nervously before I kiss her again. Slowly. Memorizing the taste of her sweet mouth, the feel of her lips as they move in tandem with mine. She’s the best fucking thing I’ll ever have. I want to remember everything about this night.

My mouth moves away from her lips, traces the jaw of her face, down her neck, to her delicate throat. I suck a little harder than I should, but I doubt it’ll leave a mark. Her body feels perfect beneath mine, like it was made just for me. I keep kissing her, tasting her, memorizing her.

Her fingers run through my hair again and I know she wants more, her entire body is vibrating beneath me, begging me. But I just need another second. One more to appreciate the moment.

“Kyle,” she groans, “can you…hurry this up a bit?”

I laugh into her shoulder. “Eager, are we?”

She nods her head, “Yes, very. I’m so…”

“Wet,” I finish for her as I slide my fingers through her soaked core. “Mmhmm, very wet.” And ready.

“Yes,” she agrees. It comes out breathy, feral, sexy.

I grab her thigh, bend it so I can control how fast I slide into her. “If you need me to stop, just tell me.”

She takes a deep breath, nods to let me know she understands, then surprises me by wrapping an arm around my neck. I’m so hard I’m afraid I’m going to hurt her. But she’s looking at me like she’s going to murder me if I don’t do it right now–if I don’t give her what she wants. I wrap my free hand around myself, stroke a few times to release some of the pressure before lining myself up, sliding my head through her seam, watching as she leaks down her core. Fuck. She’s so hot she doesn’t even know what she’s doing to me.

As I slide in, I distract her by kissing her forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose, lips. I could kiss every inch of her body all day long.

I’m about halfway in when she tenses beneath me. She’s so tight I think I might blow my load, but I need to control myself, go slow, for her.

“You alright?” I ask.

She opens her eyes, gazes up at me. She trusts me. I can see it by the way her clear eyes blaze into mine. I wonder if she knows she does. I hope she does. She can trust me. “It’s starting to hurt.”

“I’m sorry.”

She kisses me. “Don’t be sorry,” she says as she kisses me again. “It feels…different. Not bad, just not great at the moment.”

“I know,” I exhale. Fuck, I know. “I’m trying to be careful, it’s just…”

“Just what?” she innocently asks.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” I speak out of turn. “I…I…fantasized about this so many times.” What the fuck, Kyle? Why would you admit that right now?

“Is it as good as you imagined?” she surprises me again by asking.

“No, it’s so much better,” I admit.

Her face fills with emotion as a few tears slip down her rosy cheeks. I want to reach out and wipe them away, but I’m afraid she’s going to reject me if I do. She could reject me after all of this.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” she cries.

I shift on top of her, slide a little further in by accident. “I didn’t think you’d want me.”

She opens her eyes, gazes at me with an emotion I’m not sure I can pinpoint. She’s looking at me like she wanted me to tell her. What would she have done with the information? Stopped liking Matt? Unlikely.

“I want you now,” falls from her lips and I feel my heart slam in my chest. More ice melting. More parts of myself unfreezing for her. Always for her.

Her hand strokes the back of my neck. I push further into her, into places no one else has ever been. She’s giving herself to me, a huge part of herself.

I’ve fucked a few girls, not as many as she probably thinks. Maybe five or six. But I’ve never made love to anyone before. Not until  right now, with her.

She gasps when I fill her completely. She’s tight. So tight. And warm. And, even if she doesn’t know it yet, mine.

I give her a minute, let her get used to the feel of me inside her.

“I’m going to move now,” I tell her as I kiss the tears from her cheeks.

Her hands tighten around me as I slide in and out, slowly, gently. She relaxes as I take my time, show her how careful I can be with her. Not only with her body, but with her heart. If she lets me, I’ll never break it.

I don’t know how much time passes, by the feel of things not much, but I can’t take it anymore. I need release. I need to feel something with her that I’ve never felt with anyone else.

“I’m sorry, Jenny,” I whisper into her lips. “You’re so tight. I’m not going to last much longer.”

With one final thrust, I feel my balls tighten before I let go, explode inside her.

When it’s done, I open my eyes, try to hide the smile on my face. “Fuck Jenny, I don’t think I’ve ever come that much before.” Honestly, not sure I ever will again.

“Kyle,” she says quietly as I lay on top of her, wrap her up in my arms. “I need, um…”

I know what you need, baby.

I pull out of her, watch as she winces from the pain. I get rid of the soiled condom, climb back into bed beside her. My fingers strum down her stomach, circle her pubic bone, slide between her lips. I give her what she needs again.

I’ll always give her what she needs, if she lets me.

After she comes down from the high, she snuggles against me, her body tired, worn-out, exhausted. I move a strand of blond off her face, decide watching her sleep is even better than being inside her.

She dozes off while I hold her, warm her, keep her safe.

If she knew how much I love her, how much I want to take care of her, would she let me?

I don’t know how I’m going to survive if she wakes up and decides we can’t ever be this way again.

I need her in a way I’ve never needed anyone before. But I know she doesn’t need me.

She’s going to break my heart.

I just know it.